EXCERPTS FROM CLIVE'S ARTICLE WRITINGS:
French Driven (Cote d'Azur)
"Ever since man first put pedal to metal, the French were probably the first to have an accident.
They don't drive, they simply aim. They drive like they talk - flat out. Zebra crossings merely help vehicles
get a better shot at pedestrians like some urban pinball machine. And they park like Mr. Magoo taught them -
in any direction, angle and several feet from the curb. Sometimes double or triple parked. Hardly surprising,
accidents are abundant. Motorists flailing their arms like chimpanzees trying to fly, pointing accursingly,
fingers and spit in every direction and basically looking like kettles about to boil."
(See www.hackwriters.com)
The Most Dangerous Sport
"The area is an amalgam of sex, galmour and excitement - all in a laid-back sort of way.
When you mention places like Sunset, Waimea Bay and Banzai Pipeline, located on Ehukai
Beach Park, the eyes of surfers glisten with either enthusiastic respect or dreaded fear,
for they know you are talking about surfing above reefs with penetrating teeth. Conquering the Pipe
is almost a prerequisite to surfing esteem amongst the fraternity. This sport is not akin to the
passive, reefer-induced enclave of bohemia, rather it is arguably the most dangerous sport in the
world, claiming more victims each year than any other sporting endeavour. The notorious Pipe is
covered with a labyrinth of underwater caves and highways of crevises. The water is only 2 to 6 feet
deep on average and not nearly enough water to safely cushion a wipeout. Whether the wave is
six feet or 60 feet high, once surfer is smacked by a wave, the magnitude of that force drills the surfer
onto the awaiting, needle-pointed claws of the reefs. The lucky ones merely leave a part of their flesh behind.
Countless others, have died."
Gambler's Ruin (Niagara Casino)
"I am in a place with no windows, no exit signs, no closing hour, no clocks, and the atmosphere of a shark
with the scent of blood. Welcome to Casino Niagara, Niagara Falls. Within five feets of entering the concourse,
an electrical current plugs through my bones as an explosion of light and noise tease my senses.
North America's silver and blue-haired cattle have been herded by busload and shuttled from their bingo
parlors in upstate New York and beyond to the gilded halls of this adult carrousel. People are intravenously
hooked up to the slot machines via umbilical cord to their Casino credit card. This prevents any human necessities
like blinking, smiling, breathing and shitting. Even death is probably viewed as an inconvenience by management -
a corpse prevents someone else from gambling. Gamblers at "coin machines" look like an assembly line of
automated junkies as they press the "spin" button with acute determination, anticipating the clinking excitement
of MONEY."
Lake George (New York)
"It was when I reached Lake George (noted for the largest body of water within northern New York), that my
journey of tranquility was shaken into stark reality. Even in early September, the place was still reeling in summer
consumerism. Actually, frenzy came to mind. A town transformed into a Jerry Springer hallucination. An ersatz haven:
souvenir shops, t-shirt vendors and fast-food grease parlors, littered the resort. Horrid fat tourists with screaming
t-shirts, screaming kids and blaring ghettoblasters. People of enormous girth perambulating about no faster than
the flow of Heinz ketchup with this smug attitude that it is perfectly normal to be the size of the U.S. deficit.
Teenagers and bikers smeared the scene like a bad fart, scratching their zits, sharing bad breath, bad food,
bad grammar and bad odours. It reminded me of the cast of Married With Children, The Simpsons and Happy
Days combined. But for a kid, this was probably better (and cheaper) than summer camp or Disneyland."
"
America's Bali Ha'i
"As the 'gathering place' O'ahu is not only the seat of the state government and Hawaii's financial and business
capital, it is also the home of nearly three-quarters of the state's total population. Officially, O'ahu belongs to the
city and county of Honolulu which also includes the uninhabited Leewaqrd Islands that stretch a thousand miles
northwest of Kauai, making it virtually the largest "city" in the world. However, O'ahu is a bit of a paradox.
Its attraction is also its greatest threat. The stratospheric rise in population may improve progress butat an
irrevocable risk. Whatever land is available is usurped by voracious developers. The Federation for American
Immigration Reform states that Hawaii loses 1,400 acres of open space and farmland annually to development.
Already, 31,000 Hawaii households are defined as "severely crowded" by housing authorities. Education suffers
due to a hemorrhage of students and must improvise space as classrooms."
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